Okay God, I get it. You have been trying to tell me something. For the last few weeks, the lessons and discussions at our church seem to be focused right at me. Letting go of stress, forgiveness, and realizing that there are some things you just can’t change.
For months and months, I have been stressed out over something I have no control over. I see someone continuously hurt others and it makes my heart ache. I feel frustrated. I feel angry. I feel disappointed. I feel protective of those around me. I feel like I am in deja vu. Can I change the situation? Nope. Does stressing about it make the situation better? Nope. What is my part in the whole grand scheme of things? Pretty much to stay out of it as much as possible and concentrate on my own life.
Today’s lesson at church was about forgiveness. Whoa! That one is tied up with trust for me. There have been people close to me in the past that have hurt me deeply. I may continue to love them, but I will never trust them again. Not completely. The thing is, I KNOW that I am not supposed to judge others. I KNOW that. I do. However, I have a very hard time with trusting those that hurt me once they have committed the deed. I don’t mean a small thing like a white lie or saying something out of anger. It has to be a “biggie”. My biggest hang-up is seeing someone continue to harm. I have a REALLY HARD TIME with saying: “It’s okay. Keep at it. Keep travelling down this road that is causing pain for others. I forgive you. Just keep it up.”
I try to be a good person. I really do. I try to do things for others. I try to be kind, supportive, loving, faithful, honest, and generous. Even with all of those positive things in my heart and actions, I still have a horrible time with forgiveness and worry. I know that God wants me to leave things up to Him. He always takes care of situations. It might not be in my time, but it will always get resolved. Why can’t I just let go and leave it at that? Things happen for a reason. I don’t usually understand why they happen while I am in it. However, it always works out.
I might be a Christian, but I have a lot to learn. I can’t protect everyone I love from grief or pain. I can’t change the way that people feel or act. I can only control how I react to situations and conduct myself. With everything else, I just need to let it run its course. And pray. Lots of prayer.
Seems like God has been talking to me lately. I guess I just need to let go and listen to Him. I can be so stubborn. Maybe my expectations are too high for others? I need to concentrate on my life and let the other stuff go. Of course, that is easier said then done. Okay God, I am listening. Work on me and help me to forgive and stop worrying over the things I can’t change. I may be sitting in class, but I am not always an attentive student.