Is anyone else completely zapped of all brain cells due to the Presidential campaign? Can someone explain to me why the United States Presidency campaigns go on for SO LONG? Why can’t we be like the United Kingdom and limit the campaign time to SIX WEEKS? I believe that six weeks is long enough to get our fill of commercials that slam the opposition (“Oh Yeah?! Well…this is the dirt we found out about you!”) and debates.
Honestly, I love having a Tivo so I can “Boop! Boop! Boop!” right past all the campaign garbage. How can Americans decide on a candidate when all they do is tour the country slamming one another? How are we supposed to decide on who will be the next leader for this great nation?
Well, as I laid in bed at 4am this morning (don’t you just love insomnia?), I thought of something different. Sure, debates are about as entertaining as a molar extraction, but shouldn’t we find out more about the candidates then what is hurled out over a podium? I came up with some great ways for the American people to witness how future presidential candidates work under pressure. After all, being the most powerful man/woman in the free world can raise the blood pressure from time to time.
Are the presidential candidates ready? Instead of puffing yourselves up by kicking the opposition to the curb via infomercials, try this
- Give every presidential candidate a sharp knife and a water-proof Pelican case full of video cameras. Drop each off at their own deserted, tropical location for a week.
- Make them write each and every speech, interview answers, printed media responses BY THEMSELVES.
- Leave each candidate in a typical middle-class kitchen at 6pm. They need to cook a hearty, nutritious meal for a family of four within thirty minutes.
- Write an in-depth thesis on which pop culture icon you emmulate: Sylvester Stallone in Rambo or Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando.
- In front of a studio audience, Dr. Phil, and their third grade teachers, tell America what kind of a child you were. Were you the paste or crayon eater? Did you eat all of your vegetables? Did you pull on girl’s pig-tails?
- Be a contestant on Jeopardy
- Sit them all down to a game of Trivial Pursuit Genus Edition
- Make them all work the entire week before Christmas in the gift wrap department of a major department store and the entire week after at the Returns counter.
- From the moment they decide to become a candidate, they have to live on a combined household income of $40,000/yr. , juggle a manual labor job for 40 hours a week, take care of an elderly relative, take care of two small children, help out with homework and science projects for the kids, and still find time to spend time with their spouse.
- Stand up in front of a packed house at Carnegie Hall and stun them with your “secret talent”.
- Recite your favorite haiku from memory.
- Be the sole planner and entertainer for a 6 yr. old’s birthday party for him and 20 of his closest friends. Break out that Bozo nose and those crazy shoes! You can juggle, right?
- A box of basic Lego pieces + 2 hours inspiration = ‘Nuf Said.
- Finish this sentence: “If I were an animal, I would be a…..”
- …or my husband’s favorite: If they think that spending $2,000,000 to get a job that pays $400,000 a year for a maximum of eight years makes sound financial sense, they shouldn’t be President. Actually, if they want to BE President, that disqualifies them.
Isn’t that much better then debates? I know that I would learn far more about candidates from these trials. Enough of the pre-pre-pre-presidency stuff already. We aren’t getting any younger. Trivial Pursuit anyone?