Crazy stuff on my mind

April 24th, 2009

Ever have times in your life when you just have too much going on? You wake up every morning with a huge list of things to get accomplished. As you finish up the day, you realize that you didn’t get half of those things done. That’s me lately.

We are coming to the end of our 7th grade. That’s a big deal. The teen years are just ahead of us now. The hormones are kicking in. I am glad that we have a boy during these years. Girls can be quite emotional (pms) and moody. However, boys have their down sides too. Hormonal boys tend to become angry and frustrated at the drop of a hat. Simple things like finding spanish flash cards in a pile of homework can set off even the kindest kid. A friend told me the other day that when kids become adults, both sides are happy. That means they can move out.

Yesterday was one of “those” days. I was this close (squeezing pointer and thumb to almost touching) to suggesting that we send our son to Military school. Seriously. If all of my work and dedication is getting me anger and fits from our son, is it really worth it? Yes. I know it is deep in my mind. However, when those hormones kick in…I just want to crawl under the covers and get away. Was I like that as a teen girl? *Ugh!*

I was telling my son yesterday (when emotions calmed down and we could actually talk without frustration) that when it all falls apart, the ones that you can depend on are family. Not to say that friends aren’t important. They are. However, your family should be the ones you turn to when the going gets rough. I wanted to stress to our son that his Dad and I will always be there for him. We don’t lie to him and we always want what is best for him. Do kids even understand that? Of course, all of this made me think of family, marriage, and friends.

After off-roading with my husband’s friends for 5 days recently, my husband made a comment to me. He said that he worried about me not having many friends. It doesn’t really bother me. He said it out of concern, but it got me to thinking. What is a friend? To me, a friend is there when you need them. They are honest with you. They comfort you. They accept you for who you are, the good and the bad. Family does that for me. I find myself being more and more of a hermit as I get older. It could be that I have been hurt in the past. People that said that they were my friends turned on me. I have trust issues. I feel like I am too old to deal with “emotional garbage”. You know? If someone cares for you, they won’t hurt you. I don’t like being hurt. It makes me grind my teeth in my sleep. I hate that.

So…I was thinking of my conversation yesterday with my son. I think he “might” have understood what I was trying to say. His behavior wasn’t showing love and respect. I need that in my life from those around me. I don’t ask for gifts or gushing compliments. I just need love and respect. I started to think about my marriage. Honestly, I think my husband and I understand and love one another far more 19 yrs. later, then the day we married.

I read my e-mail this morning, and something made me look up “Divorce Rate” on Google. It said that approximately 50% of American marriages end in divorce. Why is that? We have so much in the US compared to the rest of the world. We have so much food that many of us are over-weight (if not obese). We can own a car or home. We can further our education. We can pretty much say and do what we like. Why can’t we stay married? I think it all boils down to that love and respect thing.

So many of us think only about ME. I am more important than you are. You need to put my needs first. I think that is why divorces are so high in the US. I also think that is why the younger generations are turning out like they are. We are selfish people. The funny thing is, when we think like that….how many friends do we really have? How many family menmbers are there for us when we need them?

I vowed to myself yesterday that that was something I would focus on for our son. That being selfish is not the way to becoming a good person. That being loving, respectful, honest, and hard-working are what matters. That when others need you, you are there. That is what I want my son to learn. Just like any other subject that he learns.

So…to answer my husband, no, I don’t have a lot of friends. I am okay with that. The ones that I do have accept me for who I am. They know that they can count on me. That is what makes a good friend, mom, wife, and daughter. I am so tired of the ME generation. It doesn’t make you happy, that’s for sure.

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