What exactly is Compatibility?

September 14th, 2007

My husband and I always watch news in the morning before he goes to work. Just to see the headlines and the weather, etc. This morning, I noticed a commercial for eHarmony regarding compatibility. That got me to wondering – what is compatibility, really?

My husband and I are a bit unusual in this day and age. Neither one of us dated before we found each other. I had one group-date with a boy named Ray in my junior year of high school for a dance. That was about it. My husband and I fell in love early and got married at 20 & 19 yrs. old. We have been married over 17 yrs. now. We have never known the nerves of a blind date. The uncertainty of who will pick up the restaurant check. The waiting by the phone to see if he/she will want another date. We have been lucky.

Back to compatibility. I have never taken a test asking me tons of questions about my likes/dislikes to see if someone out there is right for me. I don’t know what formula or system dating services use to find the right person. As far as I know, it really is a shot in the dark. We are all different. We all have our: hobbies, types of things we enjoy, things that we detest, goals, spirituality, and quirks.

When I first met my husband, I couldn’t stand him. I had no idea that underneath, he was the perfect balance for me. We had so many things that didn’t fit. I am outgoing, he is shy. He says what is on his mind and doesn’t beat around the bush, I keep what bothers me bottled up inside. He likes spontaneity, I like planning. He lives for today, I plan ahead. He had a Leave it to Beaver home growing up, I didn’t.

However, that all “fits”. We have our hobbies and things that we personally enjoy. We have learned that having all the same things in common can be pretty boring. When each side of a couple has likes/dislikes that other doesn’t share, it adds some spice to the relationship. It creates “balance”.

As far as compatibility goes, I really think that it boils down to the big stuff. Things like religion, raising children, finances, and politics are subjects that need to be discussed BEFORE marriage. Although my husband and I don’t see eye-to-eye on all of these subjects, we are in general agreement on most of them. I wonder if the dating services take these things into consideration before suggesting a partner?

I firmly believe that each of us has the right match out in this world. I won’t say a perfect match, because relationships aren’t perfect. They need to be nutured and worked on constantly. They need to be fed love, patience, and understanding. There needs to be open communication and a want to make the bond work. THAT makes compatibility. Two individuals giving everything they can to the relationship. Honoring each other for their differences and loving their individualism.

What exactly is compatibility? Hard work, dedication, forgiveness, willingness to be open, and love. After that, the rest is easy.

3 Responses to “What exactly is Compatibility?”

  1. Lenora Says:

    Wow! Ya’ll sound so like my husband and I! We married at 18 and 19, and had our first child right when I turned 20. His father married us, and friends and family helped put the wedding together, my mom sewing my wedding dress. I came from a single parent home, and Sean came from a family with a father and mother and an older brother. We also homeschool our three kids, though we started homeschooling in the fall of 2006. Wish we’d done it from the start! Congrats for being “different” from today’s “typical and normal”!

  2. Shan Says:

    *Big Grin* How nice to meet you! Thank you so much for the sweet words. It is very nice to be “non-typical” nowadays, isn’t it? How is homeschooling going for you? There are “perfect” days and then those where you want to pull out your hair. I am finding out that Junior High is the toughest (hormones, independence, etc.). Stick with it! If you need suggestions or wanna chat, feel free to let me know!

    Shan

  3. Cynthia Says:

    We were 19 and 20 when we got married 22 years ago this week.

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