Why do I stress over things I can’t change?

April 6th, 2007

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
– Anonymous

I read this on another blog today. It seems that “Anonymous” knows me better than I care to admit. I am that rocking chair. I worry, worry, worry. Does it change anything? Of course not. Why do I do this to myself?

I worry about my father-in-law and whether he has Leukemia. I worry about my husband and why Workman’s Comp. doesn’t see that his incredible wrist pain is work related. I worry about him not sleeping, eating right, and not getting pain medication for his Carpal Tunnel. I worry about my son and his future (doesn’t he understand that by working hard on schooling now, it will help him get into college and a great job later?). I worry about money. Living on one income is tough. No doubt about it. I worry about our non-existant savings account and “what if” expenses.

I worry about my husband’s job. Big Blue has a habit of laying off hard-working contractors. I worry that pink slips will be handed out at the end of each quarter. It doesn’t matter how hard he works. We have been through many of them. They all are unexpected and horrible.

I worry about my Dad. He is approaching 65 and lives by himself in California. My brother and I are many states away. What if Dad gets sick or has a stroke? He isn’t the same since Mom passed away.

I worry about my brother, his wife, and their new son. I want them to be happy and enjoy being parents. The time that our children are small goes so quickly.

I worry about my body. I so wish I were thinner. Isn’t that stupid? I run and try to keep my calories around 1500-1600 a day. The scale isn’t moving. I would so like to have a personal trainer that uses a cattle prod on me each day so I exercise and eat right. If I were rich, I would hire one. I see gray hairs on my head and I wonder if my darling husband will love me and think I am attractive as I age. I am not afraid of the gray hair or wrinkles. I just want my husband to look at me with loving eyes when I am 80.

I worry about being a good wife, mother, teacher, daughter-in-law, daughter, sister, and friend. I worry when I can’t please everyone. Deep in my mind, I know I can’t please everyone. I still worry when I can’t. How silly is that one?!

I know that 99.9% of the things that I worry about I can’t change. That doesn’t diminish my worries. It just increases my guilt for having them. Why do I do this to myself? I need to take Anonymous’s advice and become a rolling office chair.

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